Happiest Drunk or Sleeping

I am in the midst of a midlife crisis. It is marked by a profound self loathing.
Let me describe the circumstances that have brought me here. I am a woman in my mid-fifties. I have a wonderful husband, am the mother of two (teenagers).
Two and a half years ago we moved across the country. I left good friends and a job I loved behind. Although I work still, I find myself largely unfulfilled.
I have made a few new friends, but I feel disconnected.
I have no sense of home.
I think about moving all the time.
But to where? And when am I allowed to go?
There's technically nothing wrong with my life. I just haven't been able to build a fulfilling career.
I feel like a loser. I hate the way I look.
Even as I write this, I think. Who the fuck cares?
Get over yourself. Do something. Help someone. Stop whining.
But I can't.
I am paralyzed.

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